Merit!!

"Congratulation! You got merit for your organ exam!"Haha. Shouldn't feel happy for this. I can score higher result. Thanks tjj. So proud le.

I read someone's blog. Friendship really important in our life. I feel like don't want to lose him. He is a very important friend of mine. I can't lost him. I can't. But what can I do to keep our distance by not become stranger? We still like that. Never talk. He still laugh and do stupid things and I still keep quite and do my parts. Time really can cure the wounds. I still believe this.

I don't know what to do. She miss him alot. He's cruel. Feel like scold her so that she might wake up and not to love him anymore. This is the reason for myself to give up on him actually. I won't scold her. She got her own feelings and chances. I can't be so stingy to get all the opportunities so that she can accompany me to forget him. I prefer alone. I hope he will treasure her and of course she don't give up him. I will be happy although my heart will feel pain. But everything will be enough and worth when I see his smile. I like his smile. So much.

I waking up. No more him for right now. I must study hard. For myself. He is just someone that come through my life and spoiling my life. I won't let this happen. I won't. Asking myself whether I can do so? To be honest, I keep on laughing at myself. Ykw still that stupid. Still like to pretend. Still like to say lie. No wonder he didn't trust me. I say lie. To myself. Haha. My brain really disconnect. No medicine to cure.

Let it be. As usual. Try to treat everything as nothing. No pain no hurt no feeling. He doesn't care so I won't care. He doesn't talk so I won't talk. He doesn't want so I won't want. Just let it. My heart still can effort the rhythm of his heartbeat. I still can control my tears without his words. Don't even want everyone to put their sympathy's eye sight on me. I am strong. I might be strong. No matter how no matter what. With him or without him.

Thinking of what he will feel and say when I leave. I still like to think so much. He won't do anything and of course still speechless. I know. I know. Just hope he will Jia You yet he really hardworking. This seems our things didn't affect him at all. Haha. I should be happy or sad? Happy because he still did well for studies? Or sad that he never ever care of me? I don't know. Confusing.

"If you want to leave, I won't ask you to stay." Kenji Wu's lyrics really touch my heart. He will be like this if I really leave. He will. Just don't think so much. I want to hold his hand and tell him I miss him. I want to talk with him and get his smile as the return. I want to argue with him without influenced our relationship. I want to give up on him without any feeling. But I know, I still giving excuses not to give up on him. Tears screaming out with the mind full of him. He still that powerful that might full up my mind. Miss him. For right now.