19/04/08

Just received someone's message. I just wanna ask the someone to take care. And don't ever try to think of the stupid guy anymore. Take care my dear=) I will always right here to support you!

My tears screaming out when I reply her message. I still think of him. F myself. I don't know what to do. Sit on the chair and started to view her blog. I become more worst. SHIT! I found out something. Something that make my heart feels damn pain right now. He just remember what he promised her. He forgot everything of me. HE FORGOT!!

I don't know what to say anymore. He is cruel. Cruel than everyone in this world. I feel like asking him many things. Will he feels happy when see I crazy loving him? Will he feels happy when knowing I will jealous when he be with her? Will he feels happy when knowing I still drop my tears for him? Will he feels happy when I said I wanna give up on him? ......... I'm speechless.

He never ever want anything from me. I really hate myself so much. Why I still cry? Why I can't control my tears? Why I cannot let him go? Why I still so stubborn? Why? No why. Ykw is like this. Still so stupid. Still think that he will comes back to me. Still feel that got chance. Still want to wait for him not to pretend. Still want to talk with him. Still like him so much.

Never mind. Persuading myself just for last time. I say I don't want him anymore. Not worth for me to wait him turns his sight back for me anymore. Not worth at all. My life will be that peaceful and meaningful even though without him. I really feel disappointed and no more hope to myself anymore. Confusing. Really confuse.

Why he wants to say lie? I thought he said he don't want her anymore? I thought he said he just want me to be with him? I thought he said he treat her as only good friend? I thought he said he will be with me no matter how? I thought. Everything just thought. At last, no more thought. He and her look match to be couple. Its truth.

No more. End up right now. Just let him keep on be with her. And of course she is willing to be with him. I don't want to trust him anymore. Let it. He want trust me or not I don't care. And I won't ever try to trust him anymore. I don't know whether he lied or not. I just know my heart feels pain when I knew something.

Don't cry don't cry don't cry. But I still cry. He don't know I still cannot treat his action as nothing. He don't know I still feel jealous when he be with her. He don't know I still care of him. He don't know I still like him that much. He don't know. I am not that strong to stay beside him without any reaction. I don't have enough stamina to stay till the end of this story.

Let her to continue the journey ba. I keep on telling myself this. Ykw, stay strong. Don't care of them anymore. He wants her, just give him be. She wants him, just let her be. I will still be myself no matter how. Because I am ykw. But this ykw still very useless. My hears feeling cold cold and tired. Very very very tired.

Couting 12345678910. But he just remember 54. With her but not me. I lose. Again and again. Tears still drop. But I said no more him in my life. I still want to study. I will try my best to study hard. Miss him but I will treat his everyone just as memories. Thats all. Don't love. Don't cry.