7/4/08

We still remain the same. Never like to talk. But this is better than didn't talk. Everyone says both of us look more happy and more close compare with last time. I just keep on laughing when I heard this. They don't know my tears rolling in my eyes. I keep on telling myself just admit it. We are still that good. Should be more much better compare with last time, right? I don't know. Really don't know.

I still that useless. I still that failure. My new life should be alright now but I spoil everything. I still not that strong enough to face the pain. I thought I can treat what I seen as nothing. I THOUGHT. But actually I still can't. I still care. My heart still feels pain. But never mind. I persuading myself not to be like this anymore. Just let my tears drop. Then I'll be fine. Just talk with him like usual. He won't even care of my feeling. So, I would let him know that I can be myself even though he hurts me. Just like that.

54.....This is a pain. I don't know what this mean. But it might hurt me. I still will think so much of that. Keep on guessing what's happening. Keep on pretending that I really don't care. Keep on caring what he's thinking of. I wonder why I still so stubborn. My friends are supporting me and I keep on making them disappointed. I really 38. Should scold myself siao po. I rather to be siao po. Because I still like him that much.

I am speechless right now. But I got many things to share. Share with my blog. I don't know who else can I find. I don't want my friends to feel that I very stupid. I don't want they feel disappointed on me again and again. I feel lonely and miss him. I delete all his messages in my inbox. I can do this. But I waiting for his message. Wtf am I doing right now? Stupid ykw. I don't know how to concentrate on my sejarah. Got test tomorrow. I think of his words. Ykw wky.

I listening wo ke yi. Damn. I can't control my tears. Today no stars I think. I promised myself before, don't ever see stars again. I guess. Guess the stars. Guess his heart. Should stop it. Ya. I know it clearly. I will stop it. My heart feel pain when 1st time got hurt. Feel pain when 2nd time got hurt. When 3rd time, my heart can afford the pain. 4th time, everything get fade. I waiting to get the 5th, 6th, 7th...etc. Got more pain more hurt, I'll give up easily. I still like to cry. I still like him.

He remember 54 with her. But he forgot something with me. The something. Haha. I will put smile on my face. Won't think so much. His things not my business anymore. Shouldn't be anymore, cause never ever my business before. Haha. Just like that ba. Let it be. Give me a deep rest when I got enough hurt from him. I will let him hurt me without any reaction. I willing to get hurt. Don't cry. Stay strong.