Why

Sometimes I ponder, why I will be like this? I feel tired of being like this. Being suffer to pretend infront of everyone. But he still like that. Never want to care. Just leave me without leaving anything. It's pain and hurt. But he don't know. He don't want to know. I shouldn't think so much. but why I still can't control my tears? Keep on persuades myself to stay strong. I have to stay strong. I need to stay strong. But I fail. I fail to be that strong enough to face everything he gave. I fail. Really fail.

Was raining heavily this morning. Thunder was so scary. I message him and hope to get his reply. but he never reply. I sit on my bed and stared at the window. Thunder struck and my tears drop. I hugged the pillow he gave me and cry silently. Keep on looking at my phone to wait for the reply message. I think of his everything. But I can't feel him anymore. No more. Haha. He don't know. He thought I'm strong.

Don't know what to say. He will be happy without me. I trying to be happy that without him. I am cruel that choose to give up on everything. Time can cure my wounds. I still believe on this. But he gives me hope and disappointed me again and again. He don't know how pain am I when I get to know that everything is just a LIE. How hurt when you get know everything is just a lie? A lie that gain my confident but break down when everything end.

I don't want to think so much anymore. Off my phone and don't wait for his message. He just needs me when he needs help? I keep on asking myself about this. I feel sick of being like this. He needs her more. I know. So, I can't do anything else. This relationship should end up immediately to prevent myself from getting more woes and wounds. He is cruel. And I will be cruel too. Jia You. I have to Jia You.

P/S:No more why. He already leave. Leave without anything. Le it fade. Don't Cry.