27/06/08

It is 27th. Something happened 5 months ago. My memory still so fresh. Msn, sms. Haha. So sweet. But everything gone. Counting the days and repeating the same things. My heart feels nothing at all. Dunno why I just like usual. No more feeling at all. Cold blooded. Never expect to get anything as the return. Just like that. Didn't miss him for these few days. Shouldn't think so much anymore. Be myself. Don't ever try to break my heart. I'm strong enough. Don't cry.

23/06/08

Was thunder-ing loudly this morning. I was awake from my sleep at 5am. I scared the thunder. I never expect that the thunder would struck so loudly. Was lying on my bed and hugged the pillow he gave. My mind stuck and started to think so much. I think of him. And our past. My tears screamed out. I miss him so much. Typed him a msg but never sent him. I didn't want him to feel that I need him. I will stay strong even though without him. Yet, I still so stubborn to think that he'll msg me. Haha. Stupid Ykw. 

It is 23rd. Haha. 2023. Meaningless. Not much important anymore. I have to wake up. Must wake up. Cannot cry actually. But my tears still drop. He forgot what he promised me. I won't ask for more. Just let it. Take everything as nothing. Don't ever waste my single tears anymore. Don't cry. Don't ever cry because of him. But I miss my 2023. 

20/06/08

I started to think so much. Don't know why started to hate myself. Keep on saying to let you go, yet I still so stubborn cant let you go. Wtf. Trying not to look at youwhen you're not with me. Ya, I TRYING my best. Being suffer like this. Not worth at all. 

When that time you said "NO" to me, my tears nearly drop. I don't know why I feel so guilty. I can't control my tears when I walked back to the class. You don't know how pain am I. My mind keep on appearing your words. My heart feels pain. But at last, you never say sorry or thank you. Isn't my fault? Ya, it is my fault in your sight. I'm speechless when you never turn your sight to me. You're cruel. 

I know I can't cry anymore. But my tears still drop. Sorry. I trying my best not to cry. I will stay strong even though without you. Ykw sure wky. Don't cry.

One week

;My stomach pain regularly recently. Shit! I don't know why I feel like crying when every time I'm alone in the class. My tears drop is because of the pain or something else? I don't know. Being confusing. I'm in the blur blur condition. 

We started to change. He gives me hope again and again but spoil it again and again. Wtf. I trying my best to stranglehold everything but he wants to spoil my plan. I hate his way. He knows what I'm thinking of but he don't want to admit that. Wtf. He's still that useless when faced me.

He likes to leave me alone when he knows I'm waiting for him. Why I still so stubborn? What for I keep on waiting and waiting? Everything is bull shit in his eyes. He likes to treat my everything as nothing. He is still wordless when looking into my eyes. I lost my confident again and again when it is without him.

Thought that I won't cry but my tears drop. Yet, I miss him alot. He called me but we talked for only 30 seconds. This is the shortest conversation that we ever have. I laugh after that. Laugh until my tears drop. Wtf. It is a pain. But he don't know.

Someone told me something. I realised something and get something. Growing more mature and of course just care for my SPM. I won't spoil my future. I won't. But why I still cannot let him go? I want him to know something but he avoid to know. I'm speechless.

Don't cry. Don't ever drop my tears for him. It is pointless. He won't appreciate and treasure what I give. Got only her in his eyes. I should understand. I know it. So, let everything fade. I trying my best to leave him but I failed. I trying my best not to miss him but I failed. I trying my best to chase him out from my heart but I failed. I'm a failure. Haha. 

P/s: I miss him. Still waiting for his reply. But I know he won't reply my message no matter how. He got her than it is more than enough. Ykw wky. Have to wake up. Don't cry. 

 

My feel

I feel like crying when he said that infront of everyone. My tears running off in my eyes but I didn't let anyone to see my tears. He is cruel than anyone. He should know I hate what he said and I'll angry. Yet, he still continue that. I don't know what to do. Just can treat everything as nothing. I know I cannot cry for him anymore. Cannot waste my tears. But, I can't let go everything when it is without him.

Drum

Went for my drum exam just now. I thought I can did well but I never. Got lots of mistakes. Shit. This time sure cannot score Distinction! Haiz. But fine. Let it be. Try harder for next year. Don't know why I think of him before I go in for exam. His Jia You makes my tears. Haha. Still waiting for his message. But I know, he would not reply me. 

Saw her today. My heart feels pain suddenly. My mind directly think of him. They really look so match to be couple. He didn't lie on me. He sure likes her so much. I feel like crying when saw her. I finally know why he will fall on her. She is too bright to be appear. I don't know how to say. But I can understand the feel he wants. She is suit for him. Thats why he goes away from me. I am a loser. Lose without any reason.

Finally my msn can on. He didn't online or he status appear offline? I don't know. He never want to find me or even reply my msg. I should stop everything. I know this. Won't think so much anymore. Just my mind suddenly stuck. I think of the past, which full of him. SHIT! Just.... Speechless.

So long time I didn't cry for him. Haha. I'm strong even though without him. Does these mean my love towards him started to fade? I really don't know. Maybe I used to be like this. Already feel nothing on his actions. I get into a deep thought. Don't cry. I won't. 

3 am

It is 3 am right now. Zhang zhi Chen's " Lin Chen San Dian Zhong" should be more suitable ya. Haha. I started to think so much. I never forget what he told me that night. No answer from him. He never want to give me some respect at last. Nvm, let it be. Everything should be alright. I'm so glad that I get to know something. Its good for me, even my future. 

I was sitting at the corner and wait for my siblings and friends played games at Theme Park last night. Haha. Everyone pass by would put their sight on me. I know some of them sure will think that I'm pity enough. Haha. But I never. I just think of him only. I closed my eyes so that no one knows I cried. I was alone with full of loneliness that without him. But thanks JJ, for your stupid msg. I smile because of that. Really. My heart feels pain when I deleting all his msg. He got gf and it is her. Exactly what I'm thinking of and what they were telling of. Haha. He admit. As what I always said, they look match to be couple. My wish came true.

After that I went for Narnia. To be honest I never ever concentrate on that. I think of him for the whole night. I know I can't think so much anymore. My heart have no more feeling. I just used to be like this. What he keep on giving I just received. I didn't want to pretend. Just be myself. Of course I'm still that strong even though I really lost him. Wtf. I can re-arranging my mind. Ykw sure wky. I won't cry for him anymore. 

P/s: Thanks CW. Just appreciate it so much so much so much. Thanks for your stupid jokes that tease me. And you and TW's accompany. Got chance I treat you back for movie. Some more I get to know something from you. I'll keep everything as secret. I growing up dy. Don't worry. I'm big girl sure won't cry. Especially won't cry for him. And I remembered what I promised. I'll always keep my smile. And you too. Jia You. Be brave. Time can cure our wounds. So work harder together. Thank you.  

Haha

My tittle is haha so I have to laugh. But I never feel to laugh from my heart at all. I get to know something that hurt me so much. Never mind, this is the purpose of life. I'll stay strong even though I still cry for that. Haha. Nothing much to say. The scar on my heart will never ever recover no matter how long time I take no matter what method I use. Everything just useless. I accept it. Haha. This prove that your love towards me is not much that how you should. I realise that everything is just a lie. Its okay to accept the lies. I will growth up from this incident. Won't feel independent. Because I'm ykw. I'll stay strong although I lose you in my life start from now. Haha. Jia You. I still have to continue my life. God will punish those who destroy everything. I believe in this. Some more, you will regret one day when you realise everything. He will regret what you did that hurt me so much. From now on, I will leave and avoid you in my life. I won't ever give you a chance to hurt me anymore. And you, won't appear in my life anymore. I won't waste my tears anymore. Don't cry.

Better way

Haha. I waste my tears again. Damn. Whats else can I do? I really don't know. Keep on persuading myself not to think of him. I trying my best. Let everything fade then I'll be better. But his way could hurts me. He can't even think a better way to solve our problems. He never ever want to face it. I wonder why. Should be because of her.

He said lets forget our love? Could it be so easy to forget everything? I need some times to digest. To chase him out from my life. But it seems impossible by right now. Its still very hard for me. I don't have enough confidence to pretend anymore. I feel tired. So sick of his way. He should know what I'm thinking of yet he keep on doing that to hurt me. Sounds funny.

Anyway, I updating my mind right now. Don't think so much. He admits everything but that everything cannot back to the past. I wondering what does he thinking of? I can't ever get his mind. Our relation still remain the same. Didn't like to talk. Didn't like to smile. Never mind. We used to be like this.

I want to take a deep rest. He won't be with me anymore. He and her really look match to be couple. I can't think to get him anymore. Everything have to end up right now since he asked to forget everything. I'll listen what he said. Jia You. Don't waste my tears anymore. I'll stay strong.