21/10/08

Don't know why I can't even memories the stupid history at all. Can say that i didn't even put the full concentration on that. My heart feels so pain of somethings. I found out that actually friends can really betray you no matter how good you treat them.

No need to talk so much of that anymore. For what did so much stupid useless things and get nothing as the return? Feeling so disappointed on that! Wtf m i busy for so long time? Really hate myself so much! Become moody because of this stuff and become stupid foolish because of this stuff! Some more makes people misunderstanding because of this stuff. Walao e! Can't tahan anymore! But what to do? Just can continue! Damn bull shit! Just let it be. Everything wil getting fine SOON. I hope so. Just hope that other people don't interrupt my plan. I don't want to lose everything. The feel is a pain. So pain.

Listening Kenji Wu's new song-- "ai tai tong" right now. The song's lyrics so suit for my feeling right now. I feel tired of everything. I don't know what I knew is truth or not. I just know that I realized something after someone told me something. Why I still like this? I don't know. Really don't know. I really cannot endure the pain yet I can't do anything. I promised I will believe on everything and won't leave without anything. But now, he is the one who leave without anything. Eyer. HATE IT! but I still believe on him.

So, let it be. After SPM everything will be fine. I hope so. But, how if it is not like this? I don't know how I will be if in the ends everything is just a lie. I surely can't accept it as usual. I swear I won't be normal. But how? Haha. I don't know. Never mind, times will let everything fade. I waiting the time to make me feeling better without him. I know I cannot let the other things influence me yet I will be influenced by that nonsense! So, this is my weakest way. I don't know how to get it better. He will mind that I become like this. And I will mind their thought.

Really feeling so tired. I miss him so much right now. Wanna him to talk with me then I surely will feel better. Persuading myself not to think so much. Just revise the memories then everything will be fine. SPM is just around the corner. I...... started to make down everything again. I can't find the confident back. I am seriously FAIL again. But must try my best to gain back everything. Must Jia You no matter how. Just endure after finish SPM. Don't cry anymore. Don't think anymore. Be like usual and normal. Keep smiling even though it is just pretend.

P/s: Feeling so tired. I am seriously going to fall. Give me your hands to hold me. Can you?