... blur..

I'm so blur right now. I thought I still can get him back as usual. Everything is just a lie right? Maybe. I don't know why I so stupid. Shouldn't think so much but I still think so much. Don't want think then fine. But why must choose this way to hurt me? I really don't know why. Try my best to ask you why but I get nothing as return. Wtf. I hate your way yet you keep on like that. Don't you know how much I miss you? Sure you don't know anything right? Faker! Just like to lie. I will leave. I want to leave. I feel suffer of this. Don't shed my tears anymore. I won't fall on you anymore. But now, I already seriously fall on you!!! Argh.. No save!

Mac book

It is 12.01 am right now. It is 24th. Haha. I miss him so much, But nvm, let it be like usual. Jia You my dear.

Just msg with my darling Hao just now. He gonna buy a new laptop. Apple wor, Mac book. Ceh. Sure he feels so happy lo with that. Suan liao. I am seriously no mood at all. Hate this kind of life! Don't think so much. Ykw Jia You.

22/10/08

I feeling so tired right now. Wtf m i doing right now? I really don't know. Shit myself I can't even concentrate on my history. Close my eyes and my mind full of him only. Being so guilty of that. I spoil everything right? Why wan to let me know? I rather choose not to know anything then I won't be so suffer.

Why I still like to cry? I hate it. Wanna stop my tears but they screamed out without my controlled. I hate to being controlled by him. I am still a failure. I really care of that! Why why why? I don't know. Why every times when we are silent then got someone wanna come and tel me something? Why every times like this? My heart not longer to stand for it anymore.

I feel so pain. I can't afford the pain yet I can't do anything. Wtf. Or maybe this is our fate? I don't know and don't want to know. Want to let it be but I can't let it be. I thought I'm strong enough to face it. But I only realized that I can't make it perfect. I trying to pretend. But I am just a foolish!

.......Never mind. Let the time get fade everything. After that I think I'll be fine. I will come back one day to become ykw. But I won't believe on guys anymore. No hope. Give me sometimes. I need time to get through it as well. But, before that, I still waiting for his words. Just that then I won't think so much. He knew that I'll think so much. So, this time I really gonna stop thinking anything. I just want to be myself. Study hard for my SPM. Jia You.

Don't cry anymore. Not worth at all. Yaya, cannot cry for him anymore. Don't drop any single tears for him anymore. ykw no more wky.

21/10/08

Don't know why I can't even memories the stupid history at all. Can say that i didn't even put the full concentration on that. My heart feels so pain of somethings. I found out that actually friends can really betray you no matter how good you treat them.

No need to talk so much of that anymore. For what did so much stupid useless things and get nothing as the return? Feeling so disappointed on that! Wtf m i busy for so long time? Really hate myself so much! Become moody because of this stuff and become stupid foolish because of this stuff! Some more makes people misunderstanding because of this stuff. Walao e! Can't tahan anymore! But what to do? Just can continue! Damn bull shit! Just let it be. Everything wil getting fine SOON. I hope so. Just hope that other people don't interrupt my plan. I don't want to lose everything. The feel is a pain. So pain.

Listening Kenji Wu's new song-- "ai tai tong" right now. The song's lyrics so suit for my feeling right now. I feel tired of everything. I don't know what I knew is truth or not. I just know that I realized something after someone told me something. Why I still like this? I don't know. Really don't know. I really cannot endure the pain yet I can't do anything. I promised I will believe on everything and won't leave without anything. But now, he is the one who leave without anything. Eyer. HATE IT! but I still believe on him.

So, let it be. After SPM everything will be fine. I hope so. But, how if it is not like this? I don't know how I will be if in the ends everything is just a lie. I surely can't accept it as usual. I swear I won't be normal. But how? Haha. I don't know. Never mind, times will let everything fade. I waiting the time to make me feeling better without him. I know I cannot let the other things influence me yet I will be influenced by that nonsense! So, this is my weakest way. I don't know how to get it better. He will mind that I become like this. And I will mind their thought.

Really feeling so tired. I miss him so much right now. Wanna him to talk with me then I surely will feel better. Persuading myself not to think so much. Just revise the memories then everything will be fine. SPM is just around the corner. I...... started to make down everything again. I can't find the confident back. I am seriously FAIL again. But must try my best to gain back everything. Must Jia You no matter how. Just endure after finish SPM. Don't cry anymore. Don't think anymore. Be like usual and normal. Keep smiling even though it is just pretend.

P/s: Feeling so tired. I am seriously going to fall. Give me your hands to hold me. Can you?

Thunder..

Was thunder loudly yesterday and just now! I don't know why I keep on waiting for his msg. But finally I get nothing. Why things turn like this? I m useless. Cannot think so much anymore. Just endure it and wait for everything settled. Jia You. Don't cry. I miss u, my 2023.

Love myself

I still like to cry. Don't know why I really feel suffer. I hate that feeling yet I can't do anything. Just let it be. Time will let everything get fade. I hope so. I will ask myself to wake up. Won't ever drop into the deep deep hole anymore. Close my eyes and love myself. I have to stay strong no matter how. ykw of course wky. Don't cry.

U know...

My stomach so pain right now! I need u right now. Where r u? Cannot endure the pain. SO PAIN! I wanna stop my tears. Cannot cry. Jia You.

P/s: 2023. Don't leave me alone. I hate that feeling. Don't you know?

14/10/08

Sitting on the chair and I knew she was looking at me. My heart pump so fast yet I felt her tears. I don't know what to say but I just hope that she will be fine. I can't be so selfish but I'm so selfish. Sorry to say that I really can't let off my hand. I love him. More than you do. I prefer failure than give up. This means I don't want to give up. Ykw must stay strong. Don't cry anymore. For my 2023, I miss you.

12/10/08

Don't know why I feel so tired. My heart and my soul. I am still a failure that I can't even treat everything as usual. When I get nothing as return, I only realized that everything is just a lie. It is only fake. I can't even stand of that. Trying my best to solve it as well yet I can't do anything. I just want to close my eyes to have a deep rest. Don't cry no matter how suffer it goes. Take my own time then I'll become more mature and sure will feel better. The stars sure bright. I miss that moment. Cannot think of that anymore. Yaya, I won't. Jia You. Don't cry.

P/s: I miss him so much right now. My 2023.

11/10/08

I don't know why things go like this. Sorry that I don't know how to do then I choose to quit. But now, I think properly already, I WON'T EVER PUT MY HAND OFF!! No way for me to do so. I will do what I want and follow my feel. Just be myself. Don't cry. Stop my tears and start everything. Jia You.

P/S: 2023. I will be here for you. Don't cry.

Finally~

Don't know why I feel like crying now. What for we put so much afford on it? It still FAIL! finally CANCEL. Haha, Predictable. Nobody knows that feeling. I don't know what to say. Tomorrow sure everyone ask WHY WHY WHY. I don't know how many times I gonna answer them. Just....... I don't know. My 2023. Faster talk with me. I need you right now!

For you

Happy Birthday. Just now chat with you. Don't know why I feel...... No words can explain my feel. My life is getting better now. So, you are nothing for me. I can treat you as usual already. Hby, Jia You. Ykw also Jia You.

P/S: When can I give you the chocolate cake? I still haven't forget yet. Miss you my friend.

05/10/08

Shouldn't be like this. I looked deep into her eyes. It is full of sadness and loneliness. Don't know why I feel like looking at her tears screaming out. Maybe we are just the same. Standing at the same point and doing the same thing. I.... am still a loser. Maybe this is the things I cannot get forever. I lost my confident. I no more courage to stand up. Who can hold my hand? And do help me this job? I don't want to be like this. Cannot be like this. I feel scare to close my eyes. I feel tired to stand like that. I am so tired. Ykw don't cry. Ya, cannot cry no matter how. I miss someone so much right now. Who far away from my sight. My 2023. Jia You.

Memory

I found out something. This makes my tears. I really get something from that. I can't be so selfish anymore. I can't continue anything anymore. Put my hand off. Let him be and set him free. He is really for her. They both look match to be couple. I sincerely feel so. Cannot think so much anymore. Cannot like that anymore. If not I won't ever get his smile again.

Endure the pain and stranglehold the feel. Don't cry. He won't be mine anymore. I have to wake up. Respect them and their memories. He can't even forget the past. No more anything for me. Just let everything as usual as nothing as normal. Close my eyes and get him out from my life. I don't want to be hurt anymore. Persuading myself not to miss him. Don't cry don't cry don't cry. Jia You.

P/s: For them and their memories. I will leave.