3 am

It is 3 am right now. Zhang zhi Chen's " Lin Chen San Dian Zhong" should be more suitable ya. Haha. I started to think so much. I never forget what he told me that night. No answer from him. He never want to give me some respect at last. Nvm, let it be. Everything should be alright. I'm so glad that I get to know something. Its good for me, even my future. 

I was sitting at the corner and wait for my siblings and friends played games at Theme Park last night. Haha. Everyone pass by would put their sight on me. I know some of them sure will think that I'm pity enough. Haha. But I never. I just think of him only. I closed my eyes so that no one knows I cried. I was alone with full of loneliness that without him. But thanks JJ, for your stupid msg. I smile because of that. Really. My heart feels pain when I deleting all his msg. He got gf and it is her. Exactly what I'm thinking of and what they were telling of. Haha. He admit. As what I always said, they look match to be couple. My wish came true.

After that I went for Narnia. To be honest I never ever concentrate on that. I think of him for the whole night. I know I can't think so much anymore. My heart have no more feeling. I just used to be like this. What he keep on giving I just received. I didn't want to pretend. Just be myself. Of course I'm still that strong even though I really lost him. Wtf. I can re-arranging my mind. Ykw sure wky. I won't cry for him anymore. 

P/s: Thanks CW. Just appreciate it so much so much so much. Thanks for your stupid jokes that tease me. And you and TW's accompany. Got chance I treat you back for movie. Some more I get to know something from you. I'll keep everything as secret. I growing up dy. Don't worry. I'm big girl sure won't cry. Especially won't cry for him. And I remembered what I promised. I'll always keep my smile. And you too. Jia You. Be brave. Time can cure our wounds. So work harder together. Thank you.  

Haha

My tittle is haha so I have to laugh. But I never feel to laugh from my heart at all. I get to know something that hurt me so much. Never mind, this is the purpose of life. I'll stay strong even though I still cry for that. Haha. Nothing much to say. The scar on my heart will never ever recover no matter how long time I take no matter what method I use. Everything just useless. I accept it. Haha. This prove that your love towards me is not much that how you should. I realise that everything is just a lie. Its okay to accept the lies. I will growth up from this incident. Won't feel independent. Because I'm ykw. I'll stay strong although I lose you in my life start from now. Haha. Jia You. I still have to continue my life. God will punish those who destroy everything. I believe in this. Some more, you will regret one day when you realise everything. He will regret what you did that hurt me so much. From now on, I will leave and avoid you in my life. I won't ever give you a chance to hurt me anymore. And you, won't appear in my life anymore. I won't waste my tears anymore. Don't cry.

Better way

Haha. I waste my tears again. Damn. Whats else can I do? I really don't know. Keep on persuading myself not to think of him. I trying my best. Let everything fade then I'll be better. But his way could hurts me. He can't even think a better way to solve our problems. He never ever want to face it. I wonder why. Should be because of her.

He said lets forget our love? Could it be so easy to forget everything? I need some times to digest. To chase him out from my life. But it seems impossible by right now. Its still very hard for me. I don't have enough confidence to pretend anymore. I feel tired. So sick of his way. He should know what I'm thinking of yet he keep on doing that to hurt me. Sounds funny.

Anyway, I updating my mind right now. Don't think so much. He admits everything but that everything cannot back to the past. I wondering what does he thinking of? I can't ever get his mind. Our relation still remain the same. Didn't like to talk. Didn't like to smile. Never mind. We used to be like this.

I want to take a deep rest. He won't be with me anymore. He and her really look match to be couple. I can't think to get him anymore. Everything have to end up right now since he asked to forget everything. I'll listen what he said. Jia You. Don't waste my tears anymore. I'll stay strong.

27/05/08

I was with him for 9 hours. But we NEVER talk. Even one sentence. Our distance can't even back to last time. I feel scare of this. I can't stranglehold the feeling. He can act like nothing. Or really he didn't act. He is really nothing. No more feeling towards me. His heart stop and stay for her? I don't know. I keep on giving chances but I get nothing.

We hold the mic and sang our song. My tears drop unstoppable. Luckily my friends switched off the light. Nobody knows I cried. He didn't mention that my voice changed and started to cry. He don't know everything. My mind appear everything with him when the melody played. He keep his smile on his face and still act like usual. We finished the song but I can't see his mind anymore. I didn't get his sight and didn't get his warmth. I'm alone and he is alone too.

My heart feels tired. I wanna ask him why. But finally I didn't. He feels tired too. He is tiring because of me. Because I keep on disturb him. Because I never want to believe him. Expectable. We used to be like this. I want to take a deep rest but my mind can't stop thinking of him. I saw his inbox. Full of her messages. I wonder whether he used the same method to talk with her. It been confusing days by days. I have no more stamina to wait for his steps. He don't want to let me know everything but he wants me to understand him. I feel sick of his way.

I don't know what else can I do. Just drop my tears but I know that is pointless. I rather keep my heart in a safety place and protect it as well to prevent getting woes and wounds from him. I'm cruel. But he is more cruel. Pretend is a good way to protect himself. But I want myself to protect him without any reaction. I didn't think before. He trying to reject everything from me is just to protect me. Isn't truth? From his heart.

I still will think many excuses to explain to myself why he did those things. I still like that. Gain back my confident but spoil it easily. I should accept the truth. He is not mine anymore. Go with her without leaving anything for me then I'll be happy. With my truth heart. Ykw, Jia You. Go petrol station if you no more you to jia. Stop thinking of him. Stop crying. Stop loving. Stop bleeding. STOP everything right now. Be strong. Don't cry.

Now

My heart feels pain right now. I cant stranglehold my feeling anymore. My mind keep on appearing everything we had. I can't even do anything anymore. Don't cry. But my tears still drop. I hate to be alone. But I'm always alone.

I'm an angel but also a devil. An angel that forgive everything he done no matter how pain he hurts me. A devil that want to keep on disturbing him although he asked me to stop this. It been confusing when time pass. I can't catch his sight and know his mind. I waiting my heart to be wilt and forgot everything about him.

I prefer to be failure than give up. But no choice between this. The choice is only the fact that I have to face. He is gone. Leave without anything. What for I still hesitate? I don't know what to do. I know that is the way he tried to protect himself from getting woes and pain from me. But that is also the fastest way to hurt me without any reaction.

I'm speechless. He still like to stare at me. But he still choose to be quite. Sound funny. But we used to be like this. Give me a chance then I will slap him. I want him to look into my eyes and my turn to be speechless. Haha. I gonna turn crazy. I'm sick of his way. I can't endure anymore. I'm not that strong enough to effort the pain anymore.

Time can cure my wounds. Have to trust this. I will try my best to get the best. For my own. Because this is my life. But for right now, I miss him. 2023. Jia You. Don't cry.

23/05/08

I sit on the sofa and hold the mic. I sang the song we like the most. Love story. Don't know why I can't even be myself when I sang that song. I hold my tears and finished the song. I got that much courage to finish the song. Love myself. Haha. He didn't with me. First time I felt that lonely when heard this song. Without him. My tears running off in my eyes so I close my eyes. I don't want anyone to see my tears. I don't want. I miss him. But I can't do anything. Let it be. Take my time and I'll be better. Jia You. I trying not to cry. Don't cry.

Final

So tired. Keep on revise my biology. Everyone sure non-stop reading bio right now. Haha.

Last night Thomas Cup final was so interesting. For those who watched, I confirm u have the same feeling. China again. They won again. Pity Korea. But not my business la. Malaysia already say bye bye. Lin Dan, the first single from China versus Park Sung-hwan from Korea. I thought Park will win. But he still lose because Lin Dan's wind came back. So proud of Lee Chong Wei because Lin Dan lose to him. Only HIM!

Fu Hai Feng and Cai Yun not enough stamina to fight with Jung Jae-sung and Lee Yong-dae. Korea really geng. Got a tight match between them. And of course Fu Hai Feng and Cai Yun lose. They old liao la. but still leng zai.

My Bao Chun Lai turn versus Lee Hyun-il. So nervous. Love Bao Chun Lai so much. He really look like Jei Shen. They both having a tight match. My BCL won for the match finally. Haha. So proud le.

Xie Zhong Bo and Guo Zheng Dong (know their name liao) I thought they will lose to Lee Jae-jin and Hwang Ji-man. But they won. Unexpected and unbelievable. Korea's supporter sure scold them. Haha. They lost their Thomas champion.

China still the best of the best. I just hope that Malaysia will work harder and get good results in Olympic. Don't lose. Jia You.

Have to continue my biology. Pray for myself. Good Luck.

P/S:I miss him so much right now. Persuading myself not to cry for him. Don't cry.